So I'm not totally sure how I feel today. But I think my IPOD knew exactly what song I needed to hear when I turned it on just now, Grace by Saving Jane. Probably one of the most encouraging and amazing songs I've ever heard. I absolutely love it, just funny to me how that can happen.
Moving on, I feel like this semester is flying by and not ever letting me catch up, or letting me get to a point where I feel like I will be fine and then it turns on the turbo boosters and leaves me standing there trying to catch my breath. Everyday holds another 12-14 hours of constant going will it ever stop or at least slow down for a whole day or is this what I've made my life this semester, a crazy out of control busy choatic mess? Did I do it on purpose or did it just happen? I would say no matter how much I complain about it, I did it to myself, and I did it for a reason. It's my crutch, it's what I fall back on, to keep me from thinking, to give me excuses when I'm too scared to face another part of my life. Crazy how I honestly didn't realize that is what I was doing until just now.
Lately I often feel as though my heart is racing, I start shaking and feel like my chest is getting tight as though I can't take full breaths, My self diagnosis: Hypoglycemia or something like that right G? :) What it probably really is: Anxiety. I always find myself thinking of the things that need to be done, the things I have neglected to get to until the last minute, the things that have to be done within 30 min or it means bad things for my grades. I never plan my days wisely so that the anxiety will disappear. I am always thinking about something never just letting my mind rest. When I'm sleeping I know my brain is still going a mile a minute because I have the craziest dreams.
I guess the only cure for this is to calm down, which just a forewarning never tell me to calm down, just makes me more crazy and frustrated ha. I guess I just have to plan my days wisely and accomplish one task at a time. I guess I have to face the fact that not talking to someone for one day will be okay, they won't forget about me, they won't think I forgot about them and they will understand that I'm busy. I guess I have to make better priorites and just take each mountain/task as it is presented to me. I would say I've taken a step in the right direction lately by stepping down from my position at the Y. As of Thursday I will no longer be a Front Desk employee, HUGE weight off my shoulders! :) I will miss my coworkers and the members but it is simply a decision I had to make for myself!
Also I have to quit worrying about that other part of my life, the part where relationships are concerned, and not family relationships or friend relationships, those things that involve the other gender. I guess I really have to let that one go and let God, Cause I'm for sure NO GOOD at them on my own, and have proven that time and time again, I mean come on, guys keep going back to their exes! Ha :). So yet another thing to let go of, to breathe out. When it is time, it will happen! I believe..kinda ha :)
On a happy note my Grandma and Aunt will be here this weekend! YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH!!! OMG I'M SO EXCITED I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!!
Okay on to the rest of my day, no worries, one task at a time, which now consists of my case study for class tonight :( Hope yall have a great day :)
"As I stumble to the light Grace, You said you'd always have a place for me"
3 comments:
I wish I had an iPod to read my thoughts. But I am broke and can't afford one. haha
I am right there with you! Too much to do, but I never simplify. I thrive on Chaos!!! We both need to have chill days!
so...i heard this quote once and it went like this:
Happiness is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the more it eludes you. But if you turn your attention to other things, It comes and sits softly on your shoulder.
I think that for you (and me) happiness is often interchangeable with being with someone, a romantic relationship. It's hard to get caught in the "i'm not with someone so i can't be happy" mode. Independently happy. Remember that:)
Love you!
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