Wow...I thought so much had changed in a year...and then this past week happened...talk about change...or was it really change...was it still hidden there just lurking to come out?!...who really knows?! God knows... And that's the only thing I need to grasp...that is the only thing I need to think about..not worry about...think about...remember...KNOW... I'd be lying if I said I didn't care...because I do...but at the same time...for once instead of trying to beg for your forgiveness or for your understanding...I'm giving it to the only one who can really do anything about it...and I'm leaving it there...Letting Go and Letting God...
Now to the title...four words that are very prominent in my life on a day to day basis. These four words cause me the most trouble, concepts I seem to struggle with more than anything in my life. I know that forgiveness is a huge part of my relationship with God, I know I MUST forgive those who have hurt me if I expect to be forgiven, but I just cannot ever seem to fully forgive those from my past, and then I see the affect that it has on my current relationships...and I get frustrated and worry that I will never be able to let that all go, that I will never be able to fully forgive...worry...but why!? I know...I KNOW...that the Lord is taking care of me...I know that the Lords plan is so much greater than I could ever ask for or ever wish for, yet I still worry...hrm...
Other than forgiveness and worry...my next greatest battle is understanding...My whole life I've wanted to know why...I was definitely the child that always asked why, even when my parents said "No and don't ask why"...I asked why...ALWAYS...even if I knew the consequences of asking why...and I knew I wouldn't like them...I asked why...Anytime anything happens that has something to do with me or anyone connected to me...I want to know why...and when I don't understand...I push to understand...I push to know what caused the situation...sometimes I find out and sometimes after I find out...I still just don't get it...I don't understand why some things happen...and it frustrates me, it upsets me...and it causes major issues for me...when in all reality...it never should...this is a place that my faith needs to take over my mind and the world...this is where I just have to KNOW that the Lord has it all in his hands and plans...and understand or not...I just have to let go...I just have to not understand and be okay...I was at church this past Sunday and the pastor said something about embracing our limitations...and I laughed...embrace our limitations...are you kidding...ha...I've been fighting all my life to overcome my limitations...but when he said that I knew that fighthing the limitations wasn't getting me anywhere...all it ever did was cause complications...more problems...more anger...more frustration...more hurt...so that has been my goal this week...to embrace my limitations...not understanding, not being able to control anything or anyone except myself, etc.
So like I said in the beginning of this whole blog...I thought a lot had changed over a year...then I look at this past week...and WOW...and in reaction to all the changes...I KNOW all I can do is have faith, accept that I may not understand, learn to forgive, quit worrying, let go and LET GOD!
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