Two new Best Friends :)

So I have had the great pleasure lately of becoming pretty good friends with this pretty cool guy, who has introduced me to the coolest videos ever, Rob Bell videos. Every time I watch one it completely blows my mind. I have watched one of them three times, yes three times and every time I take hold of a new point from the video. I'm not sure if it is really ever possible to take hold of everything from each video.

The one I've watched three times is Breathe and it is amazing. Rob Bell discusses the simplicity yet the complexity of breathing. He reminds us that we were made from dust, making us very fragile and vulnerable individuals, yet we have had the breath of GOD, creator of EVERYTHING breathed into us. From this I get that he is telling us although we are fragile and vulnerable, within us we hold the breath of GOD which gives us strength, strength we need to get through even the most difficult situations.

In this video Rob Bell mentions how he got SO upset that his phone would not connect to a call he was trying to make, got SO upset that he found himself ready to just throw his phone. I can totally connect with him in this because my phone's service is an out of state service so I have LOTS of difficulties getting it to do what I want, and for those of you that I text you know my phone has a mind of its own because you get my texts like six times :). Anyways the point that Rob Bell is trying to make is that it is crazy that the strangest things seem to get under our skin and bring us to a point where we are simply seconds from completely losing it. And then he moves back to the point of breathing, and how we had the breath of God breathed into us to give us life and how this should remind us EVERY TIME we breathe there are some things that we just need to let go of. How when we are breathing we are letting God in, which makes us aware of all the things we need to breathe out, let go of, leave behind.

At this point in the video Rob Bell asks, what are your concerns, what is making you anxious, what is making you angry, is there anything bothering you, what is it that is stressing you, if you could right now what is it that you would breathe out, get rid of, let go of, leave behind. And every time I watched the video I found myself talking to the video, talking to Rob Bell as though he was standing right in front of me. And as a way to try to get it out, because as you learned in my last blog I have difficulty getting things out and really letting them go, I'm just gonna go through the list of the things I think of when Rob Bell poses those questions:
Why did I believe him? Why did I think he was telling the truth? Am I really naive? Am I really clueless? Am I really crazy? What is wrong with me? Why can't I learn from my previous mistakes? Do I love too easy?! Why did you tell me all those sweet things and tell me I was better than to let what he did to me affect me and make me feel like you cared and that I was worthy of actually having a chance with you and in the second that she calls you're gone, just like that, almost exactly what he did to me? Why do I trust so easy? Why did he never seem to want to come watch what I was so proud of? Why did I quit? Why was I never good enough? Why does he break my heart day to day by doing nothing? Why do I let the fact that he breaks my heart day to day come into my other friendships and relationships making it almost impossible for others to care for my like they want to be able to? Why do I hold everyone to such high standards in fear that they will do the same thing to me? They are not you, why can't I get past what you did? Why haven't you ever said sorry period? Why do you never listen when I tell you how you've hurt me, how you've hurt my sister, how you've hurt my brother? Why do you always have an excuse and have to throw your mistakes on other people?! Why?
So I know that is a huge list and I might even be able to go on longer, but I will stop there. For years I managed to hide all those hurts and frustrations. For years I've kept them inside and many people believed that I was a happy go lucky person. But recently keeping all of those things in has started to change me as a person, make me an angry, very easily irritated and hurt person. They have made me someone I don't want to be, someone I swore I'd never be.

Rob Bell also poses one more question that hit me VERY hard, "Do you believe God is inherently in every single person? If so, when we treat someone disrespectfully, does it mean we're really treating God disrespectfully?" Talk about a loaded question. And no I'm not gonna share my answer to the question. It's something I want yall to form your own answer to. Something I want others to ponder on and really think about. It's something I myself need to think about every time I decide I'm gonna be a jerk, every time I feel like it is okay to fire back at someone who took their stab at me first...

And this is where I will leave it for today. With the wonderful loaded question and with thanks to my two new best friends, Josh and Rob Bell, for helping me start to open my heart and my mind to allow for healing and comfort and hopefully for true happiness...