So...wow where to start...last we was LONG and this week feels like it may be longer! So it was Tuesday that I started feeling sick, now its Monday of the next week and guess what, STILL SICK! This is very annoying, as if I haven't already been having motivation issues, this isn't helping! I will feel good for a little while, so I will get up and do something and then BAM here comes the headache and coughing and annoyingness! ugh! :( YUCKY!
Anyways, I didn't really accomplish anything I was supposed to accomplish last week. I went to work although I didn't feel great and I'm sure I upset some girls I have class with but oh well huh. I've gone through life doing what I can to make others happy and make sure no one is mad at me, but I'm starting to get the feeling that is does nothing but make my life harder! I'm always doing what everyone else wants or expects of me. I mean its not like I don't do my share of things that upset others and it's not like I haven't let others down, but I just feel like I do SO much to completely go out of my way for others and what do I usually get in return, a broken heart or a saddened spirit, or nothing. So this past week I've decided that I'm gonna do what I can, and not go above and beyond for those who don't go above and beyond for me. Selfish, you might think but more and more every day I no longer see it that way. I see it as protecting myself. I have a history of letting people walk all over me, of being scared to speak my mind to those who mean the most to me in fear of losing that person as a friend. But what my sister helped me to see this week is that if that person is truly my friend then I should be able to say what is upsetting me and I should be able to do that knowing that when its all over, that person will still love me as much as they did before.
Next to forgiveness the hardest lesson I've had to learn is that I can NOT control what others think, say or do. A very obvious matter yet the second hardest for my mind to wrap around. Recently as some of you may know, I lost a friend that I considered to be one of my best, not like lost him to death, but in my opinion the worst kind of loss, the one where he is still here, but he acts as if we've never met. And this isn't the first time we've been on the "no speaking terms" thing but this is the first time that I've been able to truly tell myself that as much as it hurts and sucks that he doesn't consider me a friend anymore, I will be okay. There is no need to plead my case any longer. I put everything I had into that friendship and if nothing comes out of it, then nothing was supposed to come out of it. I cannot change his thoughts on what happened, I cannot make him forgive me. And all I can do is accept that!
Not all of that came out the way I wanted it to but oh well! :) Today I have a midterm :( Not excited about it, it's an open material essay test, but I'm pretty sure that isn't gonna make the questions any easier! :( Tomorrow I just have to get some homework out of the way, Wednedsay I have an assignement due and get a take home midterm, Thursday I have 5 things due in that class and then Friday, I FINALLY GET TO MEET MY NEWEST NEPHEW! SO EXCITED! The seven hours I have to drive, will never seem longer than they will on Friday! I absolutely can NOT wait! I'm so PUMPED!
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